They say: I am running away from marriage...

I say: I am excited about marriage...

Should I run????

Nah..I am excited...let's just fly....

I usually am very excited to attend functions or parties and anything that has people. Lately, I started to feel uncomfortable and I have strong urge to skip events. Not because my family or friends are bad but I dont have answers to their questions and could not relate well. I know a lot of my friends who go through this phase because we are our milestones and achievements in a social circles sometimes.

I know a lot of people who complain about their relatives and freinds but I have no complaints with mine. They are amazing and everyone loves me dearly though they think I am too much yet times!!

With greater love comes greater Responsibility...

They are concerned and hence they ask the questions when I say about my decisions:

"When will you get married Vidhya?"

"Are you running away from Marriage?"

"Isn't it getting late considering your plan?"

"It is not easy to search a guy, it takes a year or two to find the one" - Of course the marriage market is as bad as the job market.

Hello People, 

I understand my loved ones want an easy, predictable and comfortable life for me. Everyone is very excited about my marriage as that is the next predictable step at 25 years of age. They love me to be around all the time. 

I am doing what I am doing because I dont want to regret at 50 for not doing what I want to at 25!

Ahh....What do you want to do in the first place Vidhya?

I am going for a Masters Degree people....

Stop asking my parents when I will get married coz they have absolutely no idea about the crawling caterpiller in my head!

If 25 is old, then you should also realize that they are a little wiser and might have thought what they want to do and you should try to be a little emphathetic before rejecting it entirely!

Answer yourself : What you live is the only reality? 

I accept that I did not start a business or earn lakhs as people who is younger and achieving.

I also accept that I dont have everything figured out.

I also accpet that I am taking risky steps now.

I also accept that I am not doing great financially in my job. 

But I went on solo trips, I saw different versions of truth, I met amazing people, I made many mistakes, I fought with loved ones, I stopped talking to friends randomly, I felt how harsh life is for many, I wrote letters and mails, I danced and more importantly I lived every moment.

I lived with my family for 22 years and life was way easier. Living alone for just 3 years helped me learn a lot about me, to accept I am not just my achievements, to learn to take more responsibility and failing at many. 

When I was in a land no one knew me, I learnt to leave a lot of societal constraints I had in my head without me realizing I had it in me. I was able to experience me as myself. I donot have the burden to carry my past identity. I wasn't an IT employee, I wasn't a hobby blogger, I wasn't the one with amazing freinds or family. I took time to understand what I felt. This happened 3 years ago.  

This year I went on a short solo adventure for just 3 days to feel exactly the same. 

What am I when I am no one? What am I in the uncertainity?

I do not know how but along the way I started loving to be unapologetically stupid! 

I started appreciating everything life gave me.

I am sorry to kill your excitment about my marriage. Serendipity is all I believe. Please prepared to be disappointed! 

Sometimes the people pleaser in me pops up and feel sad about it, I cant help but my goofy self is usually stronger. I will miss everyone and everything I have so far. I hope I have a lovely bond with my people as I do now. I also worry about not being physically present, celebrate small wins or entirely loosing people I care the most. What is life without loved ones?  

Contradicting, but should you stay where you are just because you fear loosing everthing?

Why not have it all and live it all?

I did not think I will write this but I heard someone younger than me asking the same question about marriage as soon as they learnt about my next step.

No wonder 25 looks very far for 15 year old. I thought I will be very rich at 25 when I was 15 too!

Now 35 looks super far! 

This is a blog to say its okay when you dont get an early success. Its okay to play a long game and it is okay to try a new country! 

Okayyy byeeeee.................